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dying.young, 15

I'm not doing well in school, and it's because I am not motivated. It seems I can't be motivated by anything. I can't be motivated by myself. Even when I'm accountable to adults, I still don't get my work done. I don't know why I am so unmotivated. I wish I knew so I could fix it. My mother isn't helping the situation. She wants to have a meeting with me, and my teacher which I can't do. I don't want to die, but I don't want to have that meeting. There is no other way of getting out of it, so suicide is my thought. If I am dead everything will be so much easier and I won't have to go through any of the pain that a normal day puts me through. I have tried to go to a therapist but she made my life even more miserable. I am also not doing well because I am afraid to ask my teacher questions out of fear of being judged because he often laughs and mocks his students questions. I have a terrible fear of being judged, which makes talking to him difficult. I don't even like to email him because I feel like he is laughing behind a screen while reading my words. My mom also gives me no privacy which doesn't help matters and I was barely able to write this without her seeing. I can't talk to my friends because they just tell me to call a hotline and say they can't help, and my mom reads my texts and looks at all social media of mine.

Whats it Mean ?

  • dying.young, it's great that you reached out to TeenCentral.Net, even though this was difficult for you to do. You are not feeling any motivation for anything and as a result you're not doing as well as you would like in school. Although it may not seem like it, this is natural and common in many teens.
  • It's good to hear that you do not want to die, even though you may feel this is the only option for you. You are not alone in your feelings and dread of having a parent teacher conference, and often this gives feelings of anxiety and worry.
  • Please understand your mother is doing this because she clearly does care and wants to do what's best for you. It is hard to accept the fact that you are having some trouble, but knowing that your mom wants to help and gain assistance from your teacher is actually a good thing.
  • Although you are nervous, please try to think of the positives in this. You may even want to write down the benefits to you regarding this meeting. You are very brave for writing in your concerns, and you will get through the conference with the same courage it took you to write in.
  • It's a shame your teacher has behaved in certain ways that makes you feel personally judged. That makes it very difficult to ask the questions you need in order to do well. You should let your mom know of these feelings of being judged and try emailing your teacher again, keeping in mind it is their job to help and guide you as a student without you feeling ashamed for asking questions.
  • You may want to have a private meeting with a counselor regarding your concerns about your lack of motivation, suicidal thoughts, and academic concerns. They can help arrange possible tutoring with someone you are comfortable with and give you additional support through these tough times.
  • It may help to make a list of things you everyday you would like to accomplish and check off tasks one at a time to assist with your lack of motivation.
  • You mentioned seeing a therapist and not benefiting from their sessions. This makes it difficult to trust other therapists and get the support you need right now. The good thing is there are many great therapist out there and sometimes you need to see a couple to find the one you connect with best. You have made great strides in seeking out help.
  • Your friends have mentioned calling a hotline for help. There is a lot of support here on the TeenCentral.Net site.
  • If you should change your mind and your feelings of suicide and feeling down start to worsen, there is a toll-free number you can call anonymously and speak with a counselor. 1-800-422-4453 Child Help Hot-line.
  • Please know you are doing the right things in gaining the help you and support you need. These situations are very tough, but you can get through it with your head held high. Know you deserve to feel good about yourself and although making changes can be very hard, it is worth the happiness you deserve in the end.
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