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dying.young, 15

I have finals coming up, and I don't have the motivation to do the work. I don't have the motivation to do any of my school work besides the motivation that comes from the guilt from lying to my teachers. They are good people, and they're just trying to help me, but I keep lying to them. I do everything in my power to make the people (who deserve it) who are around me happy. Because I know what it feels like to barely even remember what happiness feels like, I don't want anyone else to feel that way. I feel like my mother is depriving me of happiness. I don't know what to do. Death seems like an easy way out of this mess that is my life. I am always behind in school. I once tried to talk to my school counselor and asked her not to tell my parents but she did despite my wishes. I went to therapy, but my therapist made things worse for me, and took away every last bit of relief that I had. I don't like how my parents looked at me when they knew I was depressed. I don't like my mother. She smothers me and when she knew I was depressed she just tried to be there for me more which I didn't like. I was in therapy for two years ago, and I have been struggling alone ever since. My best friends also moved across the country two years ago. I can't tell any family members because I know they will tell my parents and I just can't let that happen again, it was a mistake the first time. I don't have a good group of friends that I fit in with here. I've got nothing going for me. School is drowning me as much as depression is. I've barely got any air left. I should take one more breath and accept my fate.

Whats it Mean ?

  • Dying.young, you are very brave for writing your story.
  • This is not your fault, and feeling this way, and feeling like there is no one to turn to is very hard.
  • Here is a number that you can call right now and speak with someone who will offer assistance and good advice.
  • ChildHelp USA 1-800-422-4453 is available 24/7.
  • Don't give up because there is always a solution to every problem.
  • It's important to talk to someone right away about how your feeling.
  • Perhaps you will find that the next therapist you see is someone, who you can relate to.
  • If you don't feel comfortable speaking to your parents then call the number above.
  • If you feel like you haven't able to confide in an adult, because when you tried to before you felt they broke your trust, then try speaking to a counselor at ChildHelp USA.
  • They are completely confidential and you do not have to worry about your trust being broken.
  • Perhaps there is a teacher that you can talk to and tell them that you are feeling desperate.
  • The right therapist will put you on the right path so you are not feeling guilty and sad anymore.
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