the.ok.girl, 15

Stuff Going On

the.ok.girl, 15

My mom is recently going through a divorce, and from both of my parents this is the third divorce I've seen. I can understand that my mom is going to be sad, but she's been working a lot to get extra money, smoking and especially drinking a lot more than usual. Lately, I have been living off of ramen noodles or cheap food from the small store up the street. My mom has been out so much that I am taking care of myself. I'm being more mature and forced to grow up because she won't. She's acting like a teenager, texting or calling her soon-to-be ex-husband all the time, crying and not getting out of bed in the morning to say good-bye to me before I go to school. I haven't had a real home-cooked meal in over a month and a half, and we used to have one every night. We would have family time and to some teens not having family time would be awesome, but in my case it's not. I tried to talk to my mom about my boyfriend, my friends, school and even my life, and all she does is get on Facebook, turn on music and ignore me or talk about her husband...I know it's rough for her, but she doesn't need to be out drinking every night. I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to anymore.

the.ok.girl, it’s ok to be concerned for your mom and understanding of her situation, but still feel sad and angry at her for not taking care of you like you need her to.
There is no doubt that divorce is a stressful experience to go through. Kids often must mature faster and take on more responsibility at home while parents are dealing with the emotional and financial strain of divorce. It can feel so unfair, and you have every right to be upset about losing family time, home-cooked meals, and moments spent talking to your mom about your day.
Talk to an adult that you can trust, whether it is a relative, a friend’s parents, your boyfriend’s parents, or a neighbor.
Also, talk to your siblings about what is going on. Together you may be able to think of a way to approach your mom in a way that she’ll “hear” during this emotional time. They may also be able to help figure out how to handle some of the responsibilities at home - like getting balanced meals.
When possible, try to make plans to have dinner or other meals with your siblings, or at your friends’ or boyfriend’s house. It sounds like you are very strong, but it is ok to lean on your best friends and relatives a little during this time.
It is mature of you to be concerned about your mom’s behavior, especially her drinking, but keep in mind that you can’t control her behavior. If you mom’s drinking continues and causes problems for you emotionally and at home, consider looking into AL-ANON or Alateen in your area. AL-ANON is an organization that supports families of problem drinkers, and Alateen is specifically for teenage children of a parent with a drinking problem.
Consider trying to talk to your mom about your feelings. Since she is so emotional right now, think of ways that the conversation can be as non-confrontational as possible. Let your mom know that you support her, but as a result of this divorce your life is changing too. Make a list of things that you need help with right now, like getting low cost but still balanced meals, and talk to your mom about what she needs your help with and what she will be responsible for.
Whenever you need someone to talk to, you can always call Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or another teen help-line listed on the left-hand side of TeenCentral.Net. Counselors are available to talk to you any time.