Lauren1994, 18

Stuff Going On

Lauren1994, 18

I am 18 years old, and my name is "L". I have been through a lot of stuff recently. I am currently living above my job- which is being a stripper. I got kicked out of my mother’s house because I am a stripper and because I was talking to an older guy and having sex with him. He is 36 years old. Now I just told him today that I do not want to be with him and that I cannot be with him because I just can’t do it anymore. However, the real reason is because I am talking and as of right now dating my ex-boyfriend, J. I feel that I love him a lot, but I am still confused. I feel really depressed, and I feel like I want to cut myself and jump off a bridge, but I can’t because I don’t want to lose J again. I really need some help, and I am so confused because I don’t know what to do anymore with my life. I feel horrible, and I also think that I might be pregnant. I don’t know what to do. If I am pregnant, I would not know who the dad is.

Lauren1994, it is wonderful that you have come to TeenCentral.net to share your story. You are dealing with some very difficult things right now, but that does not mean that you cannot do anything to change the situation and the way that you are feeling.
It is important that you learn how to cope with your feelings in a positive way. The next time you feel like you may cut, try going for a walk, reading a book, or writing in a journal instead. If you feel like you cannot control your ideations and may act on them then do not hesitate to call CHILD HELP USA at 1-800-422-4453. There will be someone available 24/7 to help you.
It is important that you take a pregnancy test and find out whether or not you are pregnant, then go from there. Having to deal with the anxiety that comes along with the possibility of being pregnant is hard enough.
It is okay to feel confused. There is a big age difference between you, and the guy who is 36 years old. You are both in very different places in life and most likely want different things. This may work for some people, but you need to recognize what is needed to make you happy in a relationship. It seems like dating someone who is closer to you in age may be more appropriate, but this is up for you to decide.
You may enjoy stripping, and that is fine, but it is also important that you feel comfortable and happy with the things that you are doing. Think about what you want for yourself and where you want to go in life. Writing it down may be helpful. You are still very young, and it is never too late to consider enrolling in a few classes at a community college, if you feel that it is something you may be interested in.