Anonymousxx, 14

Stuff Going On

Anonymousxx, 14

I cannot have a conversation with my family anymore without one of us yelling. My parents are always saying how they want to send me to a mental hospital or a psychiatrist because they think I'm depressed and bipolar. I used to cut myself since 6th grade. I'm in 9th now and they found out a couple months ago; but before they found out, I was feeling so low and stressed around people. When I went to the mall with my family for my little sister's birthday, I felt like I had a panic attack and I kept feeling like that when I'd get stressed. I'd feel like a weight was sitting on my chest and it was hard to breathe. I would always ask my parents to take me to a therapist and they would just laugh at me and get mad. I feel I really do need a therapist because I do have grudges over my mom for things in 6th grade and I'll never, ever be able to have a happy relationship with her. I wrote this because I guess I just needed to vent a little I just needed to get it off my chest.

Anonymousxx, it must be awful knowing that you feel so anxious all the time, but you cannot speak with a therapist. You know deep down that something is not quite right; otherwise, you would not be cutting yourself.
It's really important to get the help you need. You have the right to feel happy. No one wants to see you hurting yourself.
If your parents want to send you to a psychiatrist, ask them to do it. Going to a psychiatrist is not a bad thing. It doesn't mean that you're weird or strange. You already understand that there are issues from your past that are affecting you right now. It's best to talk about these issues with a trained professional that can help you work through them.
If for some reason you are bipolar, for instance, you will want to get on some medication to help you. There is no shame in being treated for something that you cannot control. You could compare it with someone who was diabetic that needed insulin.
Venting is a good thing. You don't need to get in a screaming match with your parents on a regular basis. Instead, you could write in a journal, speak with a psychiatrist, or practice having calm discussions with your parents. You could also exercise as a way to vent frustruation.
If you aren't having any luck getting your parents to send you to a psychiatrist or therapist, try searching the helplines listed on our website. They are listed by state. You might find some resources there.
You also might try talking to another trusted adult in your life. This might be a relative or even a neighbor, or a friend's mom.
You can always call Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453. They're available 24/7.